Well, my weight fluctuations go way back . . . back to the year 2001. Yeah, I remember it so clearly. Jeremiah and I have been married for almost a year, and March 2001 we excitedly stopped at our local drug store and purchased a pregnancy test. We rushed to my Grandma's house (the closest place to go) and I did my thing. POSITIVE it read. WOW, we were SOOOO excited ! We're having a baby !!! My mom and dad coincidentally happened to stop in and we told them the great news ! We were all soooo excited ! This is our FIRST pregnancy ! Our first bundle of joy ! Our child ! We make the appointment and go see the Doc. Everything seems fine. Then, that night . . . blood. Not spotting . . . blood. We called the Doc and followed his instructions. But the unpreventable happened - I miscarried. At this point, it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I grieved so hard. It still makes me teary eyed. Then, without a chance to recover from my grief . . . in May (barely a month from the date of miscarriage) POSITIVE again ! We were in shock, and were'nt trying - we were still grieving, but it was a fact. So that now dreaded trip to the Doc. But this time, all is well and stays well ! Checkup after checkup ! 3 months pregnant and . . . spotting. but nothing major, just a tiny spot hardly even noticeable. The Doctor thought nothing of it over the phone, but suggested I come in just to be sure. I arrived at the hospital with my husband, and they performed an ultrasound on me. It seemed to take forever, and the ultrasound technician didn't say to much. So the Dr.'s report comes as a HUGE shock - "We have to take you in for an emergency ectopic surgery!" I had an ectopic (tubal - in my tube instead of my uterus) pregnancy that was life threatening and had to go in for surgery right away. I burst into tears. The emotional pain was unbearable. Anyway, the surgery was a laproscopic surgery, but the recovery was dreadful ! Perhaps because I was so depressed. And that's when I started gaining. I got very depressed and gained 30lbs. from that experience. Never lost it either. Then in 2003 - we ACCIDENTALLY got pregnant again. I was scared to death ! And I stayed that way until I was past the first trimester, and seeing a healthy baby on those ultrasounds (I had ALOT of ultrasounds due to my past). And along came JASMINE !!! Our pride and joy ! Besides God, she is my reason for living. If I can never figure out why God put me here on earth, all I need to think about is her - she's the reason if nothing else. I admire her, love her, am proud of her. If I am never given another thing on this earth, I was blessed with her. If you think I sound obsessed, I probably am. I know what a blessing that she is, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't thak God for giving her to us. I couldn't imagine life without her. (eyes are tearing up) On the other hand, along with her came 50lbs. because I ate like a hog and spoiled myself while pregnant with her, and also developed toximia (or preeclampsia) in my 7th month of pregnancy with her. So add that to the 30 that I never lost. Since then (January 7th 2004) my husband and I have been trying for more children. And FINALLY in October of 2005 - POSTITIVE ! Pregnant ! Finally after almost 2 years (1yr, 9months)! Then, wouldn't ya know it - another miscarriage. UUUUGGGGGHHHHH !!! This is so upsetting ! It seemed as though it took forever to get pregnant again, and now this. But it gets worse AGAIN. Not even a month later- in November, one night I start having TERRIBLE pain in my stomach/abdomen. It's such terrible pain - like NO OTHER I've ever experienced. I was completely crouched over in pain. I couldn't stand up straight, or even close to being straight, the pain was unbelievable ! Jeremiah rushed me to the emergency room. The Doctor ran some tests and asked me if I knew I was pregnant. NO ! AGAIN ? BUT HOW ?! So soon after the miscarriage ! But I was. What mixed emotions those were ! I was worried because obviously it was a bad situation to find out your pregnant - why all the pain ? What's wrong ? Another ectopic ? Did my tube bust ? All these thought running through my mind. They took me in for an ultrasound - which was excrutiating ! The pain ! The Doctor said that I had ALOT of blood gushing in my stomach (not suppose to be there) Infact, the ultrasound technician told me that she had never in her career seen so much blood in someone's abdomen like that and they should'nt even let me leave without surgery to remove it. Then the Doctor's were apparantly unsure of what was happening. So 5 - yes I said 5 scans later (the big full body scan thingy) they said that they THOUGHT but weren't sure - that I had another ectopic pregnancy, and blood is seeping from my tube. So to make an EVER so long story (with 3 more trips to the emergency room, etc.) short, it WAS another ectopic and I once again had a rough recovery. So it's now August 2006, (10 months later), and I'm trying to recover from all of the tragedies, and the weight gain. My husband and I are STILL trying to conceive, with no luck so far. I STILL have both tubes, unfortunately (the Doctors were not able to remove the bad one, or even know which one, or if both are bad) and the Doctors tell me that I have a 50% chance of having an ectopic pregnancy with every time I conceive. Not very promising. So I live my life in a somewhat worried state of mind. I try not to think about it, and just live life to it's fullest, and spend LOTS of time with Jasmine - knowing that if I do become pregnant, and my tube bursts this time- Jasmine would be without a mommy. It does scare me, but to be honest, I've gotten so good at blocking it out, that it only crosses my mind once a month (when it's time for my period). Jasmine is enough for us, if we never have another child, we're perfectly happy and satisfied - even MORE than satisifed, I don't know the words to explain it. But at the same time, we don't want to "turn down" a second child. So we continue to try, and I have never been on any type of birth control since before Jasmine came along. So whatever God's will is for our life, for our family - that's what we will be happy with. It will all work out for the good somehow, someway. And I thank God for that. So pray for me, for us. Pray for me to loose my weight and to stay motivated, and pray for God's will to be done. If we are able to be blessed with another child, Praise God. If not, we praise God the same. Keep us in your prayers and thoughts.